Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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