the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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