Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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