I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
