I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
