if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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