Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
