Christians are straight up FREAKS
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize