tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
