am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I did not marry a roomba.
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