glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
