I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
