I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
