dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Randomize
