so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
