the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
