So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize