What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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