its not stalking. its research.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
