Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
