It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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