Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
