You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
