I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
