Will you blow on my dice?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
