doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
