I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
its liver damage thursday
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
