i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
