you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
