Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
