Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
