i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
