when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
