i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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