I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
