My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
