I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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