apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
