Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
