I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
