Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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