I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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