I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
