just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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