she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
