he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
