Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
