He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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