my sisters under your porch take her home
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
