I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dicks are not precious.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
