the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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