id be glad to
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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