that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
