I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
