Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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