Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
