We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
