I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
