Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
