I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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