Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
