I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
