i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
