Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize