I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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