Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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