You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
