Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
