My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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