you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were trust falling into bushes
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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