Sry I called you an 8
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
